Yesterday, a letter came home in our first-grader’s folder. It was written in his unmistakeable handwriting and addressed to Santa. It’s the first of, most likely, multiple letters to Mr. Claus. Here’s what he’s asking for this time:

1. Nintendo DS (that’s one of those handheld game consoles, also known as yet-another-reason-your-child-will-vegetate-in-front-of-a-screen-for-hours)
2. Phone (this is a funny one since his phone skills are either extremely lacking in politeness — “Say hi to your grandmother…” “NO!!!!” — or awkward, to say the least — “Hi, Alex [who he just saw in class 2 hours prior], I’ll mail that picture to you [but he'll see him in just 15 hours!]. Bye<click>”)
3. iPod (I might not have any thing to object to on this one)
4. $10,000 (written as 10000$ and translated to me as “Ten billion zillion dollars” - right on!)
5. Computer (Really? At 6? When I was a kid, they weren’t even invented yet! Or well, maybe they were, but we didn’t have a temperature-controlled warehouse in the back yard to house it.)
6. A real sword (riiiiight, that’s what we need around here)

This is a pretty unlikely list (all but the iPod, which I won’t rule out only because I think we have a little shuffle around here somewhere that no one is using). I guess it’s good that he has high hopes, but I wish his list had things like movie videos, board games, and a book or two. Since he’s aiming high, I will follow suit and present my list for Santa:

1. A repair-free year. Seriously. In 2009 our house has been a crazy black hole of broken-down stuff. Does this sound like a reasonable list of things to break in just 10 months - 2 pipes burst (at 2 different times, mind you - that’s 2 different visits from the plummer), the hot water heater, the garbage disposal, the clothes dryer, the stove/oven continues to die a slow death (it still bakes at temperatures below 400, and there are 2 working burners - oh joy), a few flat tires, and just yesterday the dishwasher (which is only a couple years old) had what looks like a little electrical fire where it plugs in. Make it stop!
2. World peace. Ok, well maybe just peace in our part of the world. Actually, just in our house– our living room, to be exact. What if, just maybe, the wrestling matches happened just once a week instead of every 20 minutes? And how about a truce over who has the most juice/chips/pizza at any given moment?
3. Endless amounts of raw vegetables. That’s right - I’m asking for a fridge (that doesn’t break, please!) fully stocked with low calorie, nutritious snacks… that taste like chocolate bars, key lime pie, and those crazily addictive Joe Joe’s cookies from Trader Joe’s (aka Oreos with 1/10 less guilt). Because even though I get plenty of exercise, I will never exercise enough to offset my insatiable craving for sweets around-the-clock. I’m a horrible dieter and it’s much more likely for these no/low cal healthy vegetables to materialize than it is for me to just step away from the Kit Kat.

There you have it. Neither list is likely to be realized, but it felt good to write it down. What’s on your list this year?

Tags: broken-down freakshow, Christmas list, Dear Santa, healthy snacks that taste sinful, peace on earth

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